As I close my eyes, I can feel the blood moving through my veins. A quiet pulsation, a sign that life is still happening. I must get out of the house…
Needing a break from my newborn, I asked my Mother to come over and watch him for the afternoon. She came. I left.
Stumbling down the beach with my mouth open, something we were never allowed to do in well-mannered Connecticut, I realized that I was stumbling and that my mouth was awkwardly open when I came upon an elderly couple hobbling sweetly together. Their bodies both curved with a swing to the left, back to knees to feet, they clearly had both been hit or worn down from something to create such a dramatic shift in their stature.
What did it? What caused this structural swing? Did life hit them so hard one day, month, year that they were forever slightly deformed? Together bent, holding the memory, recovering humbly, together? A car accident, raising a hyper active child, a windstorm of debt and dis-appointment? What did it? But they still gently stroll along, her in front of him, with lumbering strides, their shiny white sneakers bracing each step so their hips, knees and ankles land softly in the sand.
What sleeplessness? Suddenly I am speed walking and smiling and can see further than I could when I first arrived at the beach. My pall of self pity and new mother delirium is lifted by the reality of aging. The next lady I pass is wearing a bright red jersey shirt belted by a fanny pack. Functional, but still makes me smile because its 2015 and fanny packs are kinda old school. Anyway, her shirt reads “Live for this”.
Ok, I am getting the picture here. Life balance is some new agey, academic, time management course’s carrot for us over-achieving, efforting shmucks who think that life improvement answers are out there somewhere. Life balance is the goal of all those high fluting business books you read on the airplane during a business trip. However, its not reality.
Reality is where you do what matters most to you with the 24 hours you’ve been given everyday. You waste that time, your fault. Yes, I am blaming myself and us all. Some things are in our control and we get to take full responsibility for them.
Let’s use our time wisely. Life is precious.